I thought I had high libido…I was delusional

When I was single

When I went through high school I had a very high libido. Masturbated daily, often more than once.

In college, the same thing, but during this time I started watching porn more often as well. Porn also gives you a “libido boost”.

At the end of college, I met my wife and I thought I had a very high libido. I even told her that I will want to have sex multiple times a day and when I want to, she’d better be ready. Douchy I know. But I thought that I’d want to bang multiple times a day because I was very “horny” and I thought she wouldn’t be able to keep up.

Turns out she had much higher libido than me lol. She was ready to have sex multiple times a day and I wasn’t.

When I got married

After we got married we started having lots of sex. Due to stress and whatnot, the frequency quickly started to go down. Initially, it was like 1-2 daily, then 3 times per week and once we hit a very stressful period it was like twice a month or something like that.

I quickly learned that being horny didn’t really correlate with sexual frequency due to the refractory period. The refractory period is the period of time someone takes to recover from one sexual encounter to the next, during which they have zero libido.

During high school and college I masturbated a lot; oftentimes multiple times per day. It never really caused a refractory period, or at least that’s what I thought. Porn can mask the refractory period, because of new stimuli all the time. This is known as the Coolidge effect. More on that in my hypersexuality article.

After we got married, I stopped watching porn and suddenly realized that there was a refractory period. When I was health-ish, it wasn’t that long…maybe 1-2 days. During my worse health phase, I had zero libido for weeks.

Learning moment: Libido doesn’t necessarily correlate with sexual frequency since it doesn’t take into consideration the refractory period.

When I was single, I felt like I had no refractory period and I was “horny” all the time. When I got married, it changed.


Since I have optimized my health and maximized my testosterone, my refractory period is only a couple of minutes, maybe about an hour at most. If I wanted to have sex again, I could. But most of the time, the sexual experience was so satisfying that my “libido” isn’t pushing me to do it more (more than once a day, although that still happens because it’s so good).

Reason for this article

I always see guys talking about wanting to increase their libido. My first question is always: why? Are you married or in a relationship? No, then why would you want higher libido? Just to jack off more? And just because you have “high libido” while using a supp for example, doesn’t mean you have a short refractory period. Refractory period kills libido.

The most important reason to want to boost your libido is because 1) you feel that your libido is underactive and 2) you have sex less than the average 3) while you want to have sex more often 4) while having the option to have sex.

If you don’t have libido, but you’re also single, should you focus on optimizing your libido? I’d say focus on getting someone first, unless your goal is just to sleep around. Most men actually want an intimate/romantic/meaningful relationship with someone, so find that person first. While you do that, focus on optimizing your testosterone.

Yes, being horny is nice, but if you have no outlet, why do you want to be horny? It’s too distracting and frustrating.

How I did it

The way I go about keeping my libido high and refractory period low is by:

  • Having a healthy relationship with my wife
  • Having a beautiful (eye-candy) wife (being attracted to your wife is what matters)
  • Having a healthy wife (with high libido). Her health matters just as much as yours. Her health/libido amplifies yours.
  • Keeping testosterone and DHT high, by eating according to the testosterone-food pyramid (shown below)
  • Using aphrodisiacs here and there, such as maca, Tribulus, Tongkat, pine pollen, mucuna, etc. I feel like I’ve had the best effect from maca and Tribulus so far.
  • Implementing testosterone-optimizing lifestyle habits, such as:
    • Getting lots of sunlight
    • Being physically active
    • Lifting weights
    • Minimizing stress
    • Optimizing sleep quality
    • Doing adventurous things
  • Etc.

6 thoughts on “I thought I had high libido…I was delusional”

  1. Excellent piece and I agree wholeheartedly.

    This is – in my experience – very, very key advice:

    “Having a healthy wife (with high libido). Her health matters just as much as yours. Her health/libido amplifies yours.”


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