How often should you have sex? Sexual frequency set in perspective

This post is intended to set sexual frequency expectations in perspective.

We at times (me at least) might think that if we don’t have sex daily, our testosterone might be low or we might have low libido or there must be something wrong with us.

If we understand what the average is, we can then let go of false beliefs.

But keep in mind, just because there is an average, doesn’t mean you have to adhere to it. Meaning, if you want to bang daily, then that’s above average. If you’re happy with having sex only once a month, then that’s also fine. There isn’t necessarily something wrong with you if you only want to have sex once a month, as long as you’re happy with that.

However, if you would like to have more sex but your energy is low, or you can’t get him up or something like that, then it’s worth looking into for optimization.

What is the average

Average

1987-1988

Based on 13,017 participants, the average sexual frequency was 6.6 per month for males with an average age of 31.4 (R). That’s 1.65 times per week.

2002

Men between the ages of 25 and 45 have sex on average 5.7 times per month (R). That’s 1.43 times per week.

2005-2009

The average sexual frequency of 469 couples was 6 (4–9) times per month (R). And this was while they were trying to conceive. It would have been even less if they weren’t trying to conceive. That’s 1.5 times per week.

2010-2012

The average frequency of sexual intercourse in 16–74-year-old men was 3 times per month (R). That’s 0.75 times per week.

2014

Men between the age of 20-54 had sex on average 2.55 ± 1.08 times per week. The highest self-reported weekly sexual frequency was recorded for men between the ages of 25 and 29 (3.02 ± 1.27), which makes sense (R).

2019

Based on 1,407 Chinese men aged 18–79 years, the average monthly sexual frequency was 4.34 ± 3.18 (R). That’s 1.09 times per week.

As you can see from the above, the average is from 0.75 to 1.65 times per week. Some are having more and some are having less sex. A lot of it depends on health as well as hormonal levels (testosterone, DHT, prolactin, etc.) and neurotransmitter function (dopamine, histamine, etc.).

Related article

Average over the last 50 years

Interestingly, science is now showing that sex is declining, specifically in the younger generation. Meaning, more and more young people are not having sex.

This study found that:

  • 6.3% of Americans between the age of 20-24, born between 1965 to 1969
  • 11.5% for those born between 1970 to 1979
  • 11.7% for those born between 1980 to 1989
  • 15.2% for those born between 1990 to 1994

…reported having had no sexual partners after 18 years of age (R). Almost a triple difference between the late 1960s and early 1990s. That was even before the cellphone and the internet was a big deal. Now people are obsessing over their phones, social media, online communities, games, etc., to a much great extent and this is likely also significantly increasing the percentage of sexless men.

Between 2008, 1 year after the iPhone was created, and 2018, the share of men younger than 30 reporting no sex has increased to 28-30 percent (R, R). Pretty wild if you ask me.

Using US nationally representative survey data, we estimated that 30.9% of men and 19.1% of women aged 18 to 24 years in 2016-2018 reported being sexually inactive in the past year” (R).

And this decrease isn’t just observed in single guys, but married men as well (R).

Reasons

A couple of reasons why this might be (all hypothesizes according to the researchers) include:

  • Being shy AF
  • Being poor. Compared with men working full time, those working part time, those who were not working, and students were more likely to be sexually inactive. Men with higher incomes had a lower likelihood of being sexually inactive (R).
  • Different priorities and preferences (R).
    • Stress and busyness of modern life in which leisure, work, and intimate relationships need to be juggled12,23; and the supply of online entertainment that may compete with sexual activity.12,16,23,24” (R).
  • Higher rates of depression and anxiety among young US adults; US adolescents are increasingly postponing the start of adult activities, including sex and dating (R).
  • The introduction of smartphones has resulted in less opportunity for and skills in real-world human interactions (R). This is a big on. Talking to someone, being charismatic, etc., requires skill. Skills that aren’t developed when talking to someone over the phone.
  • Lack of sexual interest. “In a US study,29 sexually inactive individuals reported similar happiness levels as did those who were sexually active Some individuals report never having felt sexual attraction to anyone42 or a lack of interest in sex,43 whereas others have difficulties in finding sexual partners, with this being a cause of distress.44” (R).
  • Age. For every year increase in age, sexual frequency decreased by 0.8% (R).
  • Excessive masturbation. There is an inverse association between recent masturbation and sexual activity (R).
  • Lack of social skills due to social media and porn. “increasing use of social media has resulted in increasing experience of “virtual” as opposed to real world sexual encounters, 22 23 and the media have sometimes linked increasing use of pornography with decreasing frequency of partnered sex.” (R)

Aphrodisiac use

Back to the main point of this article.

Since the average seems to be around 1-2 times per week, what can you expect from an aphrodisiac?

Surprisingly, there isn’t a lot of human data on this. Most studies use animals, such as mice and rats, who have sex and reproduce much differently from humans. And most of the studies that study the use of a specific aphrodisiac in humans don’t even look at sexual frequency. Whot!!

Let’s look at the few I could find.

Maca is a very common and effective aphrodisiac. This study found that using 3g of maca daily significantly increased biweekly sexual attempts from 3.1 ± 2.4 to 4.6 ± 3.7. Sexual enjoyment also significantly improved (R). From 3 sessions per 2 weeks to 4.6 sessions per 2 weeks. It’s more like a “normalization” of sexual function.

With 300mg Tongkat Ali per day, sexual frequency increased by 17% after 12 weeks (R). I couldn’t find exact numbers here, but although 17% is an improvement, it’s not that big of a deal.

With 600mg Fenugreek seed extract, sexual frequency increased from 1.5 to 3 times per month (R). Morning wood also increased from 1 to 2.5 times per week. All these improvements and testosterone only went up from 355 to 400ng/dl after 12 weeks.

Yohimbine, a common sexual stimulant, increased sexual frequency from 5.1 to 5.3 per month after 4 weeks (R). In terms of dose, the first 2 weeks were 15mg per day, which then increased to 30mg per day.

Summary

The average sexual frequency is 1-2 times per week.

With the use of an aphrodisiac, sexual frequency will like still be around 1-2 times per week on average, since people who want to use aphrodisiacs generally have reduced libido and sexual function. So it acts more as a libido normalizer. Which is fine. These compounds can enhance erection quickly and duration, promote more sexual intensity and pleasure, etc., so they’re not useless.

However, if someone is having sex 3 times per week and then add an aphrodisiac, it will likely increase to 4 and maybe 5 times, at most, per week. Many factors come into play, such as general health, stress, the health of your partner, relationship health, etc.

Please read this article to learn more about the difference between libido (desire), refractory period, sexual capacity and hypersexuality.

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